You wrote in your column back in November about Brooke leaving Jeff for you. Are you a psychic? Or is it pure coincidence?

Amazed in Atlanta

I have a knack for predicting things. I don’t wish Jeff or Brooke any disrespect, but I saw it coming. However, I am a tad surprised that she hasn’t called me yet. To answer your question, yes, I am as psychotic as it gets! Was that the right word? Miss Cleo aint got nothing on me!

I was watching Saturday Night Live the other night and got to thinking. Has any NASCAR driver ever hosted the show? With SNL being on NBC and NBC having NASCAR events, it should be a no brainer, right?

Thinking in Texas

I think Mikey Waltrip would be the best host they ever had. They can throw in Harvick and Stewart and the show would be off the wall! I can picture the skit now: NASCAR Jeopardy.

Mikey, Kevin and Tony are in the closing stages of the game and the only subject left is "Quotes".

Harvick: I’ll take quotes for $600.

Alex: "He said, I did it my way"

Stewart: (Buzzes in first) Who is Tony Stewart last season?

Alex: That is incorrect.

Harvick: Nice try Tony, but the correct answer is, Who is Kevin Harvick this season!?

Alex: Wrong again.

Mikey: Who is NASCAR, every season?

Alex: Correct, choose again Michael.

Mikey: Quotes for $1000

Alex: You might hear this if you are caught "parking".

Harvick: I don’t care what I hear, Most of them that are voicing their opinion are not worth wasting my time over.

Alex: No

Stewart: I didn’t park anywhere when I was in Talladega, I kept moving around. If they would have caught me, oh man…..

Alex: Are you guys even paying attention?

Mikey: Hmmm, I just read this in Junior’s Playboy interview. You would hear….

Alex: Sorry time is up…. Let’s move to final Jeopardy. The category is NASCAR History. The answer is: This driver survived an unbelievable wreck in Bristol in a Busch race and it was a miracle he walked away unharmed.

(The annoying music ensues)

Alex: Ok, let’s see how you did. Tony, you had $2,500.

Stewart: Who is Michael Waltrip?

Alex: Correct! Michael's accident was horrific. His car was torn in two and nothing but the roll cage was left. You wagered it all, so you now have $5,000. On to Kevin, who had $4,200.

Harvick: Who is Greg Biffle?

Alex: That is incorrect, looks like you wagered only $29, but that only moves you to 2^nd.

Harvick: What? Didn’t you see me leap over the car and tear Biffle up? I was shaking that idiot like no tomorrow… He was terrified. I think he wet his pants. I was going to….

(They turn off his mic and move on)

Alex: Michael, what was your response?

Mikey: Well Alex, before I go on, let me say that my NAPA Auto Parts Chevrolet ran great this week on the Goodyear tires. Plus I had a Coke and talked to the guys on Kenny’s Aaron’s Dream Machine.

Alex: Your response please..

Michael: Who am I? I didn’t realize that I was that good looking!

Alex: Correct! You had $4500, so if you bet more than $500, you are the new Jeopardy Champion! What did you wager?

Mikey: $499. Get it? Like Aaron’s. Every price ends in $99. Just like the race, it was 500 miles but we called it the 499. Cool huh?

Alex: Not cool, you blew it. Tony Stewart wins by $1……

Stewart: (As he jumps up on the podium and starts spraying everyone with Gatorade) Woohoo!! Yeah, it's time to get obnoxious!

Alex: Too late….

When the Silly Season approaches this year, who do you think is in most jeopardy of losing their sponsor to another team?

Curious in Connecticut

We can only hope that Dale Jarrett gets sick of being asked to "Drive the truck" and dumps UPS. This will force him to steal Viagra/Pfizer from Mark Martin. Can you see it now? "88? That’s my number!" (Announcer): Viagra is now available in a free 88 pill sample pack. Sweet!!

I am a high profile attorney, very famous, very successful, yet people tend to cringe when they hear my name mentioned. They think I am an overzealous ego-maniac without any morals or ethics.

J.C. Himself

If the shoe does fit, you’re a piece of ……..

That’s all for today….. see ya next week….