With all the hype lately over Tony Stewart, my mailbox has been full with questions regarding Tony, his temper, anger management, and why people just won’t leave him alone. So, with that being said, Here we go:
Dear Robby:
I saw that Ricky Rudd got punched and had a black eye after the race at Richmond? Was it Tony that punched him? I don’t recall seeing anything between them on the track to warrant it.
Signed: Confused and Caring
Dear Confused:
You seem to be suffering from a mild case of Tony-target syndrome. It seems that anyone and everyone is now jumping on the bandwagon and accusing Tony of everything that goes wrong. Rudd was punched by his crew member, not by Tony. Maybe Tony should start wearing his firesuit that he wore at the Indy 500 with the big Target Bullseye on it. Should make it easier for the camera crews to follow him from the helicopter.
Dear Robby:
I am obsessive-compulsive and I worry a lot about disease and cleanliness. I once got a pregnancy test after spending the weekend in a college frat house and I am a man. Anyhow, I was at the race at Bristol and after hearing all the hype, I think I need to be tested. I am afraid I might have been punched by Tony Stewart and don’t even know it. How can I tell?
Signed: Worried in West Virginia
Dear Worried:
Although being on the receiving end of a Tony Stewart rampage seems to be “in-style’ right now, I can almost assure you that you were not hit by Tony. It reminds me of a time I was in a bar and this guy next to me was being obnoxious. He bumped into me one too many times and I asked him what his problem was. He said, “Why, are you angry with me?” I said, “Are you laid out on the floor twitching?” He said, “No, why?” I said, “Well, then I guess I am not angry!” He immediately left.
Dear Robby:
With all the media focus on Tony Stewart, have you heard any good jokes?
Signed: Laughing in Louisville
Dear Laughing:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tony Stewart “whack”!!
How many Tony Stewarts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
“Screw in your own damn lightbulb, all I want to do is race, get out of my face!!!!”
What do you say to a reporter with 2 black eyes?
Nothing. Tony has already told him twice.
Dear Robby:
I think it is great that Tony is finally seeking Anger Management Counseling. But, do you think there is anything else that can be done in the mean time?
Signed: Hoping in Huntersville
Dear Hoping:
I think Tony should look back on his Sprint car days. There are no known reports of him hitting anyone. You know why? Ever see a sprint car driver? They have little straps that secure their arms to their bodies so that if they start flipping over, their arms don’t flail around violently. Since Tony seems to like the Head and neck restraints so much, maybe he can start wearing the arm restraints in the garage area. Now, if we could only get Kurt Busch to wear a “Foot in mouth” restraint…
Dear Robby:
As P.T. Barnum used to say, “No publicity is bad publicity, as long as they get the name right.” With Home Depot basically leaving Tony out to dry and not supporting him through this and fining him, who do you think should jump on board and take advantage of this?
Signed: SponsorHunting in Spokane
Dear Hunting:
Although, it would be a shame for Home Depot to leave Tony, I think their associate sponsor of “Ridgid” tools can and should relocate to the 6 car. With that being done, I think the new sponsorship for the 20 car should be: Glad Trash Bags. Then Tony would be known as the “Glad” guy. Has a nice ring to it, kind of like “Happy Harvick”. Although, Glad may not want to change their slogan to “Don’t get mad, get even!!”
Dear Robby:
What is your opinion of Tony Stewart?
Signed: Tony’s #1 Fan
Dear #1 Fan:
I think your son is a great guy. I have met him a few times and he was always nice to me. As a matter of fact, I have an article in my archives about an interview/Q&A session I participated in with Tony and some other people last year.
Dear Robby:
I hear NASCAR is trying to put out a “NASCAR Idol” CD featuring songs from our favorite drivers. Any idea who is singing what?
Signed: Music to my ears
Dear Music:
My sources tell me that Dale Jr is singing “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” by the Offspring. Mike Helton and Bill France Jr are singing “I got you babe” by Sonny and Cher. And, Tony Stewart is singing, “Love me Tender” by Elvis. They wanted him to sing “Oops I did it again” by Britney Spears but she is sponsored by Pepsi and he is a Coca-Cola Racing family guy, so it didn’t pan out.
Dear Robby:
Remember in Talladega, after Tony’s comments about the fans in Alabama, Tony wore a shirt picking on himself and his comments. Benny Parsons mentioned that the fans would buy “Tony Stewart Didn’t Punch Me” Tee-shirts. Any ideas for tee-shirts for Tony or for the fans??
Signed: Tees for Me
Dear Tees:
Well, LET’S see..
1. Tony Happens
2. (For Tony to wear) If you can read this; DUCK!!
3. Have a Crappy Day (See Photo)
4. My Friends and I went to a NASCAR race and all I got was this lousy black-eye
5. (For Tony to wear) I’m with Stupid (See Photo)
